Sun Spot
by TrashMonkey
Summary: Bella sometimes wonders about her peace of mind, and if secrets are allowed when you’re in love...


Okay, just another blurb about how Bella might feel about certain things, since I like putting emphasis on the fact that she's human, and thus feels emotions like the rest of us lowly mortals. It's not my best, but I think it's decent...I hope. Anyway, enjoy if you can.

All characters belong to their respectful owner, I own and know nothing.

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When was it that she last saw the sun?

Yes, she was pale, albino even. But that was no excuse. Every living thing needed the sun to survive, that was a fact. And she was no exception to this rule. She adored the grey and overcast skies, it meant freedom. Freedom for her and Edward to be together during the day. But the sun…ah yes, that wonderful glowing orb of warmth, _that_ is what she lived for in the first half of her existence.

She liked to divide her life into two categories. Life before Edward and life after Edward. She loved the boy; nothing else was needed to be said. But sometimes she wondered…was it really healthy to have your whole existence based upon one person?

Was that dedication, or obsession?

She held up her hand in front of the kitchen window, light danced through the frosted glass, meeting the dust particles in parliament, turning them into pure energy that held a shine all their own, like tiny stars, disappearing the moment they floated past the window and back into the dark kitchen. Day rested softly on her porcelain skin…pale; she was so pale…like the queen of hearts on a playing card. But the sun always made her feel beautiful, that even though she was fair in complexion the sun made her glow in warmth. She could swear that the light was absorbed into her very blood, drinking in the heat like a vampire herself.

She was seated at her kitchen table, while the sun set through the window on a rare luminous day. The light crawled across the wood top, slinking its way onto the floor, but not before passing by her form. Like a secret caress, and in a silly corner of her mind she felt like she was cheating on Edward with the sun.

Charlie was staying over time at the station; something about extra paper work…she wasn't really paying attention over the phone. When they we're talking she vaguely wondered why she called him Charlie instead of Dad…she didn't have an answer.

It was time to start dinner, but she couldn't bring herself to move, which she didn't mind. Supper could wait, it was just her tonight anyway.

She decided right then and there that she should get a hobby. Something to distract her from the constant buzzing thoughts centering on her dreamlike lover. It wasn't healthy to always think of him, to have no purpose outside of loving this boy.

A hobby, something…safe. Like stamp collecting or photography.

Just _something_ that had to do with her, and nobody else. For her. A splurge, a piece of life that she could work at. Maybe she'd even be so bold as to keep it from Edward…maybe. Was she selfish for wanting this peace of mind? Could you call her un-faithful for leaving her thoughts of Edward behind in order to pursue something else? Just for her?...She didn't know. These questions circled her like vultures and after a time she realize they didn't matter. Because they fell short of what it was she was trying to accomplish. These words failed her in that they themselves had no purpose to begin with except to convince her that she shouldn't do this. And that is not what she wanted.

She _wanted_ to have secrets, and hobbies, and little things tucked into corners that only she knew about. That only -she- could explain the origins behind. Whether or not she was dedicated or selfish was lost in the burning desire to lead this…double life. One dedicated to Edward, and the other to herself.

The thought of doing something without Edward knowing made her light headed, and her reaction was the final nail in the coffin.

How attached was she that she couldn't even consider doing something on her own without getting dizzy? It was sad, and she felt depressed for herself. One measly thought and she was out of breath? Pathetic.

The sun had some how managed to cross the sky without her noticing and she realized with a start that she had been sitting in her dark kitchen all alone now for some time…she wondered what Edward would think…

…

She _really_ needed that hobby.

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Reviews are grand. 


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